My New Relationship

     Relationships are always so hard for me.  I always have this wall up because I feel like I have to protect myself.  I especially protect my heart.  Recently someone came into my life and changed all that.  His name is Thomas and he’s been my partner, my friend, and my lover.  I think partner is the most fitting word. 

     We met at an open-mic, in Mobile Alabama, a few months back.  He’s a rap artist and, well you know, I’m a neo-soul artist.  That night, I recall him standing on the stage and I was standing right by the stage checking him out.  Just casually at first.  But I thought to myself, “he’s cute.”  What I didn't know was that he was looking right at me the whole time.  He had shades on and I could not see his eyes.  Hey in my defense woman check out men all the time; we just don’t get caught unless we want to get caught.  I actually left the club while he was still on stage performing, so we didn't get to talk that night.  Plus, I wasn't really interested in starting a relationship with anyone.  He got my business card from a friend of mine and called me.  He tried to tell me who he was but I was just like "okay."  I thought he was calling for business so I put him  in this category; it’s business.  The next week, I’m at the open-mic again,  he walks up to me and I realize “it’s him.”  My cute guy.  I know! I'm so slow.  We've been talking every since.  

     We are so compatible.  Like it’s crazy how much we compliment each other.  He doesn't react to my craziness.  He makes me laugh.  He’s very loyal and protective.  He has this take charge personality that I find so appealing but he’s not overbearing.  The fact that we are both into music is such a relief because we understand how important music is to us on a personal level.   I've never met anyone quite like him.  I’m the storm and he’s the calm in the eye of the storm.  He’s not perfect.  Thank God!  He’s perfect for me.   He really makes me happy.  We've talked about getting married, and having a kid.  I’m just going with the flow right now and where ever this road takes me I’m going willingly.

    

Find the source of your unhappiness

     I was thinking about the things that have changed in my life over the years and I went back to a time when I was crazy out my mind.  No kidding.  I was a mess.  I remember driving in my car and my now ex-husband was in the passenger seat going on and on about something or another.  He was such a pessimistic person and so unhappy with himself.  He made my life miserable.  As I was driving I considered running off the road and killing him.  Seriously!  We were on a bridge, it would of worked.  Any way, he was being so degrading and I just had enough.  Thank God I realized that if I killed him that I could possibly be my own victim too; that didn't sit right with me.  I think that was my defining moment because at that moment I realized that I had to get out of that marriage.  There is no telling where I'd be if not for that epiphany.  By now you probably would of seen my story on "Snapped."  No joke.
     My point for this story is that at some point in your life you have to realize what is making you unhappy.  I was in a loveless marriage but if I got out it would of meant financial ruins.  I realized that my marriage was draining me dry and I had nothing else to give because there was nothing left.  I had to say to myself is it worth it?  Maybe you're going through a similar thing and you don't know what to do.  I had to take stock of my life and make huge decisions that could change my life forever.  Don't you think it's time you take stock of your life and figure out what's the cause of your unhappiness.  It could change your life tremendously.  It might not be your marriage, it could be your job, a friendship, an unbearable situation, a death of a loved one, or your children.  You owe it to yourself to find your joy again.
     When you realize the cause of your unhappiness then you have to decide what your next course of action is.  For me it was easy but for you it might be harder and you may have to really dig deep.  I knew what was making me unhappy and I knew what I had to do.  I chose to leave but you have to choose what's best for you.
     When I got my divorce I remember feeling so free and thankful.  It was so hard going through the divorce but when it was over, baby, I celebrated.  When you get over, rid of, or through that thing that causes you unhappiness make sure you celebrate.  I'm serious.  Have a party, even if it's for one person.  Listen.  I've had many nights of just me, candle lights, and a glass of wine.  Let me tell you, I enjoyed every moment.

Fibromyalgia and me.....

     Okay, so the weather is changing and my fibromyalgia is kicking my ass.  Really!  Everything hurts right now and I can't for the life of me get myself together.  The crazy thing is there's not much I can do about it.  I take pain pills for the pain (pills that scarcely work) and a muscle relaxer for the muscle spasms (that occur out of no where).  I can't tell you the symptoms that I have because there are so many; chronic pain being the main one, insomnia, morning stiffness, fog brain, painful menstrual period, and the list goes on.  What I can't understand is why haven't the medical field been able to understand this illness better or better yet find a cure.  I can say that there is a lot more information out there on the subject but it still doesn't explain how this illness occurs or why some people or more susceptible to this illness than others.
     I do know that some days are better than others and that I manage to have some really good days in between my bad ones. The most important thing I can tell you about this illness is that when you get to a point where every thing is overwhelming to you take a step back and get some rest.  Usually after a good days rest you can see things a little bit clearer and the pain will become more manageable.  Also, stress can really make this illness worse, so really explore stress management.

     Here is a site that I found that has some valuable information on fibromyalgis; the site is WebMD and here is the link http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/default.htm. Here are some theories about what causes fibromyalgia; http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/guide/fibromyalgia-causes.  I also found a site that has a questions and answers about fibromyalgia; here's that link:

http://www.niams.nih.gov/Health_Info/Fibromyalgia/default.asp.

     I really believe that information is power and if you have the information then it can empower you.  I really hope the links above are helpful to you in some way or another.  Much love, be informed and be empowered, Lady PJ.

Dreading the day....

written by Philessa Hooks Jenkins
aka Lady PJ
"Dreading the day"

     The day I've been dreading for a very long time is fast approaching; the day I lay my sweet grandmother to rest.  The pain isn't as bad today.  I still hurt but I think I'm finally facing the reality that I have to live my life without her in it.  I just always thought that she would be there when I fell in love again, or when I got remarried, or if I had another child.  I wanted her there and it breaks my heart to know that any future I have will not have her in it.

    Over the last few days I've thought of her life.  She was married to my grandfather Hollis Moore for sixty-three years.  He was the love of her life.  She was the last surviving child of her mother Adline Harper Kennedy, and was eighty-four years old at her passing.  She was her husband's caretaker before he passed.  She also took care of her mother before her passing.  They had three children together.  She was an amazing cook and very passionate about her craft.  She was the strength of our family and the one that brought us together.  

     There are so many things I wish I had said.  I'm happy knowing that I had a chance to tell her how much I loved her almost every day for the past year and a half.  I can still hear her reply, "I love you too" in my head.  She was so humble and warm.  She was an amazing woman.

     I keep going in her room; hoping that this was just a bad dream, and hoping that I would wake up, see her there in her chair watching the cooking channel.  The chair is empty the room is almost empty and there's this feeling of coldness. I stand there looking into this nothingness with sadness in my heart, hoping that tomorrow will somehow bring sunshine and take this darkness away. 

     I'm not really good with goodbyes and I hate going to funerals.  She would want me to be strong and to know that I was so very loved by her.  I hold to that now.

Home Coming.

     June 23, 2012 my family will say a final goodbye to our beloved mother and grandmother the Widow Ora Lee Moore.  She will be laid to rest in Marion Junction Alabama next to her beloved husband Hamp Moore and her mother Adline Harper Jackson Kennedy.
     She's been ill for a while and was only given six months to live but managed to stay here on this earth for an additional year and a half.  She was a true fighter.  
     El Bethel Primitive Baptist Church, of which she was a member for over fifty years, will host her home coming.  Dr. Jonathan L. Yates is officiating the service; at 11 am.  After the service we will have a short lunch then head to the burial site in Marion Junction.
     The family would like to thank you for your love and support during our time of bereavement.