My TOM DEAD???

     It’s Sunday and I’m sad today because I see Tom and he’s not looking good.  I notice a big sore on his backside and it’s oozing out pus.  I call for him and he moves slowly in my direction.  My first reaction is to take care of him, I now have to try and squeeze the pus out his sore, but I’m afraid I will hurt him; I don’t want him to hate me.  Everytime I touch this sore area he gets worried but I try to be as gentle as I can.  He wants to fight me but he’s reserved.  He did manage to give me a little hissing just to warn me of his discomfort but he never tried to bite me.  He needs some antibiotics, which means I have to give him a shot.  He’s going to think that I betrayed him if I’m not careful with this situation.  I asked a friend, named Ricky, of mine to help me hold him down.  I knew in my heart that if Ricky held him Tom would surely bite him; so I left the needle in the hands of a friend.  All the while in my head I’m thinking, will Tom ever forgive me and will he think that I’m trying to hurt him.  I feel bad, right up to the minute where my friend Ricky sticks the needle straight into the meat and not under the skin like I asked him too.  Tom jumps out of my arms.  We still have a half a cc of penicillin to give him but I don’t want to; I know I have to but I don’t want him to hurt, so I leave him be.

     It’s been three days now and no sign of my Tom.  It’s about one o'clock in the morning and I’m sitting at the back door looking for him.  I think he’s dead.  He hasn’t come to eat or anything.  I ask around but no one has seen him.  I feel guilty because I didn’t give him that last half of a cc.  I call for him and there is nothing.  I keep looking for him but I don’t want to see him dead; so I keep myself from looking too hard. I pray to God and I ask him why he brought this animal into my life allowing me to love him; now look!  Look at what has become of him because of me.

     I think to myself now, “how did I (a dog person) fall in love with a cat?”  A crazy question but I really want my cat back.  It hits me now, my Tom is gone.  I feel a bit lost and upset with myself.  I’d rather he were alive and hated me than to be dead because of my failure to rise to the moment.  I should have made sure that he got the full dosage of the penicillin.  It was my time to take care of him and I let him down.  I’m very upset with myself but I don’t tell anybody.  I think it’s more my pride that keeps me quiet.                 

     It’s Thursday night, I just got back home from my nephew’s graduation and I have to check the mailbox.  I see a cat walking towards me but it’s dark.  I call out Tom’s name and get a meow back.  I can’t hold the tears from falling down my eyes.  I’m so completely overjoyed because my Tom is alive.  I walk to him and pick him up gently because the sore is still there.  It looks way better and there is no more pus, but I’m too happy to think of that.  I try to carry him to the house so I can feed him but my Tom doesn’t like to be held.  He’s a very proud cat that loves to lead the way or walk gracefully beside you but he doesn’t like to be carried.  I run to get his food and some water for him to drink.  I tell him of my dismay and how he’s had me worried for days thinking that he was dead.  I sat outside for an hour looking at him, rubbing him, scratching him, and just smiling; my Tom is home and alive.

     I then thank God for bringing him back to me.  I’m Lady PJ and information is power, so be informed.  Much love to you all.

Why is love so hard?

     Why is love so hard?  What a big question to ask.  I just had a conversation with a friend, I’ll call him Dawn, and the topic was “love” and why it’s so hard to love and be loved.  Everybody craves love in one way or another even if they deny it until hell freezes over.  It’s just a natural thing.  In fact, I’ll go as far to say that it’s the most important thing in life, besides breathing of course.  Laugh out loud.                                                                                                                

     So many people obsess over it and they look for it everywhere they go; just for the chance to find it.  Everybody says that they’re in search of “the one,” this ideal person that’s fabricated in the minds of dreamers.  I love dreamers but sometimes you’re not realistic.  From one dreamer to another, you always have your heads up in the clouds.  Why is love, a simple basic need, so hard to find?  It’s a question that keeps running through my mind.  I don’t think you should have to look for it, it should come to you.  What’s a person to do then if love doesn’t come or never comes?  It’s such a sad thing to think about. What joy it brings; to 
love or to be loved!  I’ve seen where woman date over and over again, obsessively to no end just hoping for that chance to meet “the one!"                    

     You have to realize at some point that people are flawed, there are no perfect people.  I’m definitely a testament to that.  No, you didn’t think that I was perfect right?  Sorry to bust your bubble but all perfect people are dead.                                

     Now that we got that out the way, take a sigh of relief and start thinking 
about what’s important to you in a relationship; religion, financial stability, morals, having things in common, the way they look at you, the way they treat you, etc.  Then think about what you’re attracted to in the person you desire; their height, their smile, their body type, etc.  Once you know all this information about yourself because this is your personal preferences, you should then try to find a way to obtain a relationship with a person that fills most of those things.  Just one person; don’t be greedy.  You’re not always going to find someone who fits all of them but you want someone that covers your basic essential needs and then start looking at the wants.  One more thing, make sure you fill that persons needs as 
well because nobody wants a one sided relationship. 

     Stop dating the same person when the relationship is obviously going nowhere, and two years later you’re still at the same place wishing for more then you’re currently getting from that person; unless that’s what you want then carry on.  Let me tell you something, when you get those signs that this is not the right person for you or you start to question the relationship; start heading for the door because it’s a warning sign that you’re not paying attention to that alarm going off in your head.  Run!  You won’t believe how many signals, doubts or warning signs, you can miss because your desire is only to be loved.    

     I don’t think that love should be hard; I think that love should be easy.  There are so many of us that choose to be in a relationship with someone that we don’t love and aren't getting our basic needs met; spiritually and emotionally.  Instead we choose to overlook his/her big faults knowing that it’s going to drive us crazy later on down the line; maybe because of financial reasons, our position in society, our religious beliefs, or our family values, etc.                                                                            

     Being happy is a conscientious choice and you must realize the power you have over your life; so why not choose happiness?  My perception (and I may be wrong) is that it’s a matter of fear mainly the fear of being alone.  Who wants to be lonely? Hello!  This loneliness is really what feeds our bad decisions in our choice or choices for a mate.  When you find the right person you will be so amazed how fast love will grow and the crazy thing is they’re usually our total opposite.      

        Sometimes you just have to throw in the towel, say I give up, and then take a break from the search.  But next time, when you’re ready to put yourself out there again you will be armed with the information of what you’re really looking for in a mate or life partner (because relationships are really partnerships).  Hopefully you won’t keep stumbling over duds.  I so hate when that happens.    

     I would so love to hear from you and what you think about my topic (Why is love so hard) of this post.  As always I’m Lady PJ and information is power, so be informed and stay away from the duds.  Laugh out loud!

Reclusive Me; find a way out

     Today I was just thinking about how reclusive I become when I feel threatened or worried.  I spend a lot of time trying not to sink into that reclus who just becomes dormant.  I don’t like seeing myself like that but in so many ways it’s really my character.  I’ve always been a loner and I’m used to doing things myself, without help.  Growing up as a child I’ve always had maybe one or two close friends but that’s about it.
     I’m also use to people not really understanding how my mind works because I don’t always think like your normal person.  My brain is designed to solve and it can become obsessive to me because I’m often solving problems in my sleep; which is not good.  Plus, I’m pretty direct with people.  I always say if you don’t want to know the answer don’t ask the question.  It’s my belief that people don’t always want the truth, they want you to agree with them; this is where my mouth gets me into a lot of trouble.  I just can’t tell you that lie because my truth (the way I really feel) will come out my mouth; right behind it.  I feel like if I tell you that lie then I’m not helping you to solve your problem.  What good is that!  When things go wrong I’m use to people coming to me, asking for my help, and I’ve always been the one that people leaned on when they needed help or support; especially in my family.
     One thing you should know is that I hate explaining myself or how I feel and I definitely don’t like to brag about myself; I guess that would make me a modest person.  I know that people will talk about you and they can be cruel, or try to hurt you, but I feel like if you’re not talking about someone in order to help them then why bother talking about them at all.  Although I have to admit that I talk about my family a lot because they will dog you out honey.  It’s very hard to be modest when you are around my family.  You would have to spend a day with us to know what I mean.  I have to admit that I have a wonderful family because if one of us is down we pull together and try to help as best we can.  I love that about my family.
     When I get in this reclusive mode I have to find a way out of it.
1.       The first option is to find something interesting to do; like catch a movie, go out for dinner with a friend, head to the beach, or go shopping.  The purpose is to get out of this mode, by being around people.
2.       The second option is to go to counseling and try to work the problem out.  I so recommend counseling.  It can save your life but make sure that you get along with your counselor.
3.       My third option is to just go with the flow and hope that all turns out well.  I don’t recommend this option.  It doesn’t always work out right.  It’s like waiting for a hurricane, that’s headed right at you, and thinking you will get through it without harm.  You know those “I’ll wait it out people.”
     To all my reclusive friends out there I would love to know what you do to get out of that mode; you know the one “I just want to be by myself or I don’t want to be bothered with anybody at all.”
     I’m Lady PJ and information is power, so be informed.  Much love to you all.

Get STD Tested!!!!!!

    I had a precarious situation to happen to me last month that hurt me deeply but it also made me think.  I was betrayed by someone that I trusted with my whole heart.  We even had the sex talk about being monogamous and committed to each other.   I thought we would get married and have a kid or two together. 

     I believed in him but I also believed that I was the only person he was having sex with; to my complete surprise I found that to not be true.  He doesn’t think that it’s a big deal what he did to me but he put my life in danger; that’s what makes me so angry.  Think about it for a minute every time he slept with her and slept with me he put my life, and to be honest hers, in danger.  What if I was HIV positive or had some other STD.  All three of us could end up infected and the crazy thing is she’s pregnant (by him no less), so the baby could have been infected too.

     I’m at an age where I don’t want to go into a doctor’s office and say “I think I have an STD.”  Talk about embarrassing.  He apologized to me but what good is an apology if his choices cost me my life.   I’m not saying that I’m not responsible too; so don’t think that I’m blameless here.  I made a decision that opened me to a situation that I don’t ever want to be in.  What a thing to think about, right, because I want to live to grow very old and very honoree.  I thank God he didn’t give me a disease but now that I think back I’m going “what were you thinking trusting someone like that.”  I know you guys feel me right?

     Did you know that some of these diseases have no symptoms at all and are you aware that some people that are HIV positive look absolutely healthy?  I know quite a few of them.  I'm just saying!  In fact, you could have an STD now and not know it.  That’s a scary thing to think about but it’s also the reason why STDs/STIs are rapidly spread from person to person.  Let me give you some statistics from the American Sexual Health Association and “Centers for Disease Control and Prevention” (CDC):

• ·         Consistent condom use provides substantial protection against the acquisition of many STDs, including statistically significant reduction of risk against HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, and syphilis.

• ·         Recent estimates from the Centers for Disease Control and Infection show that there are 19.7 million new STIs every year in the U.S.

• ·        How common is syphilis? In the United States, health officials reported over 36,000 cases of syphilis in 2006, including 9,756 cases of primary and secondary (P&S) syphilis. In 2006, half of all P&S syphilis cases were reported from 20 counties and 2 cities; and most P&S syphilis cases occurred in persons 20 to 39 years of age. The incidence of P&S syphilis was highest in women 20 to 24 years of age and in men 35 to 39 years of age. Reported cases of congenital syphilis in newborns increased from 2005 to 2006, with 339 new cases reported in 2005 compared to 349 cases in 2006. How do people get syphilis?

• ·        Syphilis is passed from person to person through direct contact with a syphilis sore. Sores occur mainly on the external genitals, vagina, anus, or in the rectum. Sores also can occur on the lips and in the mouth. Transmission of the organism occurs during vaginal, anal, or oral sex. Pregnant women with the disease can pass it to the babies they are carrying. Syphilis cannot be spread through contact with toilet seats, doorknobs, swimming pools, hot tubs, bathtubs, shared clothing, or eating utensils.

• ·        What is chlamydia.  Chlamydia is a common sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by a bacterium. Chlamydia can infect both men and women and can cause serious, permanent damage to a woman's reproductive organs.

• ·         How common is chlamydia?  Chlamydia is the most frequently reported bacterial sexually transmitted infection in the United States. In 2011, 1,412,791 cases of chlamydia were reported to CDC from 50 states and the District of Columbia, but an estimated 2.86 million infections occur annually. A large number of cases are not reported because most people with chlamydia do not have symptoms and do not seek testing. Chlamydia is most common among young people. It is estimated that 1 in 15 sexually active females aged 14-19 years has chlamydia.

• ·         Each year, there are almost 3 million new cases of chlamydia, many of which are in adolescents and young adults. The CDC recommends that sexually active females 25 and under should be screened at least once a year for chlamydia, even if no symptoms are present.

• ·         About two-thirds of young females believe doctors routinely screen teens for chlamydia.  However, in 2003 only 30% of women 25 and under with commercial health care plans and 45% in Medicaid plans were screened for chlamydia. 

     Alright, I think that’s enough for now but I’m adding a few links so you can go and check out some information for yourself.  I highly recommend that if you’re sexually active that you go and get checked out on a yearly basis.  Before you ask, yes I do.  I believe in that.  You have to know what’s going on down there.  LOL!  I’ve provided some additional links with more information on STDs; just click the link and it will direct you to the page.  I’m Lady PJ and information is power so be informed.

 ·         Minority Womans Health:  http://womenshealth.gov/minority-health/african-americans/stis.cfm·         African Americans and STDs:  http://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/newsroom/docs/AAs-and-STD-Fact-Sheet-042011.pdf My sources for this article:

• ·         http://www.cdc.gov/std/publications/

• ·         http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/std-sti/std-statistics.html

A Cat called Tom

     Every day I feed this cat (I call him Tom) and it's not my cat but he comes to me when he's hungry because he knows that I will take care of him.  I grab his bag of cat food (which I keep in the house) as I do every morning, then I go outside with it.  I grab a handful from the bag, then I put it down for him to eat but this time he didn't eat.  I notice that he's looking around for something.  I notice this because I'm paying attention.  I don't know what he's looking for or why he's looking.  I thought, to myself, that he must want me to rub him instead.  So I give him a good scratch on his back and he starts to purr so I know he likes it.  I'm still worried because he's still not going towards his food.  Is he sick? Well that's the obvious thought that came to my mind.
     As I'm rubbing Tom another cat (I call her his girlfriend) came around the corner.  She's such a weird cat; she won't let me touch her or get near her but she'll eat my food.  One time when I tried to feed her, she took her paw and slapped my hand; as if to say that I wasn't feeding her fast enough.  She has these big crazy looking eyeballs that just stare at you fearfully and she has the strangest color fur that I've ever seen on a cat but all and all she's just a strange cat.
     When Tom sees her he walks over to his food and begins to eat but only a little at a time.  That's when I realized that he was waiting for her to come.  Aw!  So I'm watching them both and I notice their behavior is bizarre, to me at least.  For instance, she doesn't go directly to the food, she sort of waits for him to allow her to eat which he does without hesitation.  So I'm standing there watching and he takes a few bits at a time while she's pigging out.  Her head is down and she has not a care or a worry in the world but Tom is constantly looking all around.  He is protecting her and taking care of her first.
     I knew there was a reason why I liked this cat and I'm not a cat person, but talk about a proud moment for me.  I just stood there watching them smiling.  You see what I didn't tell you is that the female cat is nursing kittens and she needs the extra food in order to feed her babies.  He takes less so that she can have more.  How many people can you say would do that?
    I just wanted to share that experience with you this morning.  I really hope you enjoy your day.  I'm Lady PJ and information is power so be informed.