Overwhelmed Me!

     I'm sitting here trying to rest and relax.  I just spent the last week trying to take care of my older sister.  She's been in the hospital.  I on the other hand spent the week driving between Bay Minette, Mobile, and Fairhope, on top of that running errands for her, watching her dog, then taking care of her daughters for the past three days, and checking in on her at the hospital.  The crazy part is that I'm really upset with her.  I don't think she takes very good care of herself and she has two young girls to look after. She knows what she has to do but she chooses to ignore doctors orders and eat stuff that she can't eat.  I want to shake her then slap her into reality.  But I also realize that she has lupus, heart problems, and diverticulitis to deal with.  I understand her pain.  I just don't understand her not fighting with all her might to get well. I don't know how I would deal with her kind of illnesses but I do know that I would put my child first.  I think I need to get away from everyone and having to take care of everybody.  I need some me time.
     So today I'm taking care of my Grandmother; who's bedridden and can't take care of herself.  Trying to give my Mother a break.
     I don't want to feel right now.  My heart is broken and I don't think that anything will ever be the same.  I have to get past this sadness and I think that a new work project maybe two or three will do the trick.  I don't want to think about him but I keep thinking about him.  I have to get past this and I don't know how.  I wish that I could turn this off and focus on myself for a change.